She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
