they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
