I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
