So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
