I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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