i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
