why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
