And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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