The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
