I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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