I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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