You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
