He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My cat gives me a boner
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
