go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
