Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
