i don't like sucking hair
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
