He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
