so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
