My first STD was from a foam party
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize