I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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