i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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