I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
