booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
