If that was your dad, he is hot
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
