I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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