Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Everyone says I win the strip club
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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