I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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