You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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