You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
