I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
