I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There's always time for handjobs
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
