he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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