i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
