Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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