I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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