Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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