She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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