i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
