I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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