fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
