You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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