Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
