He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
