we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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