Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
