Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
