i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
