The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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