Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
