you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize