matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
