I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
