I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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