I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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