Kiss
Puke
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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