At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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