Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
