I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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