matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
