He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
