Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Naked. naked and bneed help.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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