if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
