He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
