there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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