We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
