ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
