I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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