WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
