What a fucking waste of an outfit
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
