you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
