Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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