alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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