Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
