His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
