It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
