everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
