Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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