So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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